A Deed Once Done

Choices have consequences which stay with us and affect our perceptions, self-esteem and circumstances for years – until we make a new choice in a similar context. Two stories will illustrate my point. The first was a time cycles of months, whilst the second has lasted forty-six years so far.

At the age of eleven, I was being bullied at school. Because my Dad was a teacher at the school, I had been warned to stay out of trouble, and when I did misbehave, I received a harder beating from Dad than others to demonstrate that there as no favoritism. Yes, in my day, kids got caned at school, and we were better off for it. The way many kids behave these days is disgusting; they generally have no respect for adults and no values either. No consequences have serious consequences. But, as usual, I am wont to digress. After a few months of this bullying, my Mom sat me down and offered me a dollar to retaliate. “Grab his collar with your left hand”, she advised, “yank him towards you, and hit him as hard as you can on his nose with your right fist.” I hit him, got the dollar, became his best friend and never allowed myself to be bullied again after such a great experience.

Years before, that, at the age of nine, we lived on a farm in South Africa. My Dad and uncle were viciously attacked with by a steel-pipe-bearing farm worker. My Mom urged me to flee to the neighbors with her and my sisters, but I refused and stood on the kitchen table to see the action through the window, helped my uncle into the bathroom and wiped the blood off his face. He had both his arms and wrists broken in several places, a broken jaw and fractured skull, but he still managed to smile his thanks to me, brave man that he was. I returned to the window and threw my Dad my BB gun and a spear to defend himself with. He wouldn’t back off and stood his ground against the savage until the distant sound of police sirens scared the animal away. The fact that I stayed to support my Dad and uncle and the site of his courage in the face of imminent death has stayed with me.

So here’s my little lesson. A bad choice, like allowing yourself to be bullied, with erode your expectations, self-esteem and weltanschauung until you hit back and react differently. You can remedy the consequences in a similar situation with a different choice; it’s not too late. Any bad choice can be turned around if you identify the root and take decisive action (unless the other person is no longer around, of course). We need to evaluate the choices that caused negative consequences and beliefs that we are saddled with and seek to make new choices. Replace the evidence that makes you interpret opportunities in a disempowering way. We will seek evidence to support our dominant beliefs. Had I not struck back at the bully, my belief might be that I am a coward and I would seek evidence and instances to support that belief. Simple, isn’t it? If you’re used to quitting, it doesn’t mean you’re a quitter – it just means that it’s time to stop quitting. You can, you know.

This simple pop psychology actually works. Try it; you’ll like it. A deed once done can often be redone.

Robin J. Elliott www.DollarMakers.com